i’ve been thinking a lot about kindness. there is kindness to others and there is kindness to self. these two things aren’t really distinct though.
i haven’t wrapped my head or heart around the notion that judgment is a necessity. i mean, i understand that i do need to judge and discriminate in situations. to judge whether that bridge will give way as i cross it. to judge whether i can believe what someone is telling me. to make sure i stay safe. there is “making a judgment call”. this is a good thing.
but what about when it comes to people? judging whether they are lying, as i mentioned above, is one useful case. what about, whether i think this person would be a good friend? or if a friend is making a choice that i judge will lead to suffering?
i always perceived judgment as something harsh, that one person levels against another. as the opposite of kindness. how can i be kind and judge at the same time?maybe i am confused. but maybe i am onto something.
imagine a judge in a courtroom. they make a decision because people are asking the judge to make one. the judge holds authority, and the judge is separate.
think about the word kindness for a moment. hm. kindness. could it perhaps mean that i exist in kind? isn’t this the opposite of being separate from who or what we i am kind toward?
so, to be kind toward others means to treat them - to take the root of the word further down - as kin. to treat my self with kindness means that i do not separate from myself, i stay connected with the truth of who i am. being kind to myself means that even as i harm myself, i can be kind to the part of me that disregards and causes violence — the part that separates me from me. if i judge myself, i create fragments, i create larger chasms within my psyche. to love the parts of myself that are unlovable, to treat them with kindness, means shining a light into those dark spaces. it means witnessing that which is. once it ceases to be separate from me, i will not seek to destroy myself.
to treat others in kind? it would seem that a large obstacle to kindness with others is not practicing self-kindness. it is very easy to stand apart from the world and judge it harshly, when i stand apart from myself.
It’s just love. There is nothing else. There is just love. ~Swami Kripalu
